Not all excessive love will turn into hate.
If your only emotion towards someone is pure liking, it is normal to feel disappointment, sadness, and anger when you encounter setbacks and difficulties in the relationship. However, it is absolutely unreasonable to make a 180-degree turn from love to hate.
Why do we hate? In the final analysis, in addition to true feelings, our emotions towards the other person are also mixed with too many expectations that project our own desires.
Once expectations and selfish desires are entangled in a relationship, the other person is no longer the person who made your heart beat fast. The other person starts to play multiple roles: he or she may be the more powerful self in your ideal world, the caregiver who needs to protect you and whom you entrust the rest of your life to, or a “little pet” who satisfies your desire for control and gives you a sense of certainty, and so on.
Here I specifically mention people with the sun in Cancer, Virgo, or Scorpio, the moon in a water sign, or Venus in Virgo or Scorpio. People with these configurations are prone to this condition.
People with strong Water and Virgo elements are prone to lacking a sense of boundaries between themselves and others when they are still in their infancy. They either bear too much of the unbearable burden of others, or throw all the unbearable burden in their lives onto others.
Especially for Scorpios, if the environment they grew up in when they were young was more of a “pressure cooker”, they need to be careful not to become the person who puts pressure on others in the future. Some sufferings should end on themselves, rather than constantly falling into a cycle.
In fact, it is not wrong to have beautiful expectations for the person you like. It is human nature to hope that the other person will become better and more powerful, but this does not mean that the other person needs to “become better” completely according to your own selfish desires. At this time, expectations are both shackles that bind the other person and make the relationship heavier and heavier, until one day it suddenly collapses and love turns into hatred.
Why do we hate? Annoyance with the other person’s negative qualities and poor performance often does not make people completely hate another person. The reason for hatred is more because of the inability to accept the moment when one’s desires are shattered.
The ideal self who would always shine is gone, the “father-like and mother-like” character who would always protect and take care of me is gone, the little follower who always obeyed my orders and held me in high esteem is gone… But how could others be worthy of such a role? No matter how capable a person is, it is difficult for him to bear the infinite trust of another person.
This is taking others too seriously, but in another sense, it is also not taking yourself too seriously.
You are not as weak as you think. Those desires projected outward can often be self-satisfied, but when we lose the coordinate system of external objects, it is too easy to doubt ourselves.
For most people, it is difficult to learn to believe in themselves, but it is easy to find a living person to believe in. However, little do people know that this effort-saving approach will eventually lead to more intense love and hate.
But no one can provide himself with the ultimate answer to stay in office for the rest of his life. Any halo of others is not the ability and value that you originally possess.
The more you believe in leaning on a big tree for shade, the more you want to find someone to rely on, the more likely you are to rush to seek help from all directions, blindly follow others, and eventually hate those who cannot provide help. You will also be targeted by people with bad intentions, and they will use petty gains to trick you into giving up your more precious things.
It doesn’t mean that you need to have no selfish desires towards others all the time. After all, if there is no longing or expectation, a relationship will not even begin.
The shining points, abilities, and conditions of the person we like will be consistent with our inner preferences, but the other person will not become a tool to realize our inner desires. Others have the right not to care for us, not to be perfect, and not to be controlled, and they will not pay for your life just because they are in a relationship.
The more you expect, the more you will turn love into hate. If you have fewer expectations of others, you will feel more at ease inside and relationships will be more likely to be long-lasting and harmonious.
Many times, having a normal attitude without any expectations can actually bring you unexpected surprises around the corner.
May you and I cultivate this normal mind.
